when i dream,
i'm running to save you.
light is fading, but it can still be resuscitated.
blinking i catch myself thrown to the ground,
bleeding, i stand.
missing, i run with everything i've got.
everything i've got.
silence.
i open my eyes to the bright light.
streaming in rivers through my vision, is red.
i'm not going to make it.
i'm not going to make it.
but i still reach,
dragging,
fighting for the air to stay longer.
enough to scream.
enough to reach you.
my outstretched arm meets the earth in a final welcome home.
i cannot survive any longer.
i'm not going to make it.
i'm not going to make it.
i'm not going to make it.
i'm awake.
(read this while listening to the last few minutes of a song called "Oscillator" by The Contortionist)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
when you die
no one thinks of the sweet moments in life they shared with you, until they think of the shit you did .
when i heard michael jackson had died, i remember that up until that time, he was a rapist of children; a joke.
i didnt really feel much until i got in my car to go home and they were playing his music.
now, growing up, i loved michael jackson.
and when i was driving home and "beat it" came on i felt this nearly over whelming wave of sadness. i told my friend later that day that i had never been more sad while listening to "beat it," ever.
i grew up with my mother mainly, and that being said, i watched a lot of girl movies.
i watched 'the bodyguard' several times and even had the soundtrack via my mom. she loved it for some reason. so i grew up with whitney houston and that movie.
today, for shiggles, i decided to look up jennifer hudsons tribute to whitney houston.
it wasnt technically bad, but it wasnt whitney.
no one sings that song like she does. no one.
so i looked up her performance from the grammys in 1994.
the performance blows jennifer hudson out of the water.
but thats not the point.
as i watched the video i remembered that, at one time, whitney houston was the michael jackson of her craft. but all i thought about was the shit times.
i watched whitney sing that song, smiling sometimes, eyes still shining in the lights, and i found my eyes starting to well up.
not because i missed her, or knew her personally, or had some sort of connection to her, but because at one point, the world loved her too.
when you do something wrong, the world stops loving you.
then you have to do something terrible before the world loves you back. wants you back.
i grew up with that song, and in a very cliche' manner, i will always love it.
just so happens that today, it made me sad.
(the music box i take to the cemetery every time i go is a music box i bought for my mom a long time ago. the music it plays is "i will always love you")
when i heard michael jackson had died, i remember that up until that time, he was a rapist of children; a joke.
i didnt really feel much until i got in my car to go home and they were playing his music.
now, growing up, i loved michael jackson.
and when i was driving home and "beat it" came on i felt this nearly over whelming wave of sadness. i told my friend later that day that i had never been more sad while listening to "beat it," ever.
i grew up with my mother mainly, and that being said, i watched a lot of girl movies.
i watched 'the bodyguard' several times and even had the soundtrack via my mom. she loved it for some reason. so i grew up with whitney houston and that movie.
today, for shiggles, i decided to look up jennifer hudsons tribute to whitney houston.
it wasnt technically bad, but it wasnt whitney.
no one sings that song like she does. no one.
so i looked up her performance from the grammys in 1994.
the performance blows jennifer hudson out of the water.
but thats not the point.
as i watched the video i remembered that, at one time, whitney houston was the michael jackson of her craft. but all i thought about was the shit times.
i watched whitney sing that song, smiling sometimes, eyes still shining in the lights, and i found my eyes starting to well up.
not because i missed her, or knew her personally, or had some sort of connection to her, but because at one point, the world loved her too.
when you do something wrong, the world stops loving you.
then you have to do something terrible before the world loves you back. wants you back.
i grew up with that song, and in a very cliche' manner, i will always love it.
just so happens that today, it made me sad.
(the music box i take to the cemetery every time i go is a music box i bought for my mom a long time ago. the music it plays is "i will always love you")
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