lyrics 01

     sometimes... when you're at a show with a friend...


there's a moment when you catch a snippet of a lyric as it flies past you in the open air of summer, as it tries it's hardest to find a home inside a memory.

there's a split second there when that lyric reminds you of the person standing next to you.

then you both turn to look at each other at the exact same time without knowing... and you give each other that look that says... "that's totally you"

then you smile and keep enjoying that time when everything was fine for a couple of hours, under the planets and stars that are slowly making their way into the same place that life goes eventually.

away.

"...You seem so strange to me, I must seem strange to you."



a pleasant interruption to the past.

     when you have friends.


when you have friends. they talk.


you share things and are in return are shared with, also.


the interesting thing is when one friend tells another one a certain thing, and then the third friend (without being prompted or questioned) tells you something in contra to the original statement.

example;

Friend 1: I can't stand dicks!

Friend 2: haha...sweet.

next week...

Friend 3: dude.. Friend 1 told me they really love dicks.

Friend 2: did they? interesting...

 

 

 

 

...maybe we forget the things we say to each other, or maybe we are different to each other. we wear different masks.

 

or are we shielding the others feelings from some un-admitted, inevitable jealousy?

 

in my mind are all these statements and new born falseness, and they mix together and recolor the pictures of you I had so doggedly tried to protect from changing.

that's all I guess.

 



closed

when you close your hand, it becomes a fist. when you close your heart, it becomes a stone.

(Eternal)

something i threw together today. this has been my summer so far... well, some of it.
(watch in HD and turn it the fuck up!) 

C F G

to relive those warm nights, would be more than I could ever ask.



with one life...



I remember my mother's loving smile.
     the way she looked at me when I left for the Marines.
the way she looked when I got home from Iraq.
the red, white, and blue skates she gave me. the ones that used to belong to her.


I remember the letters my sister used to write me.

     ...he time my dad told the Marine recruiter that I could be whatever I wanted, if I tried.

his surprise birthday party.


I remember walking to PK Burger with Angel.
     playing NBA Jam until we were sick of it.
having ice cream in some chow hall, somewhere far away.
the smiles.


I remember watching the hard work I put into making randy's video for his birthday turn into a room full of laughs and memories.

I remember going to Las Vegas... and putting it all on black...
then losing it all.
     I remember watching independence day, and then watching fireworks in the ghetto.
and a mountain dew in the field.


I remember your touch. the way you laughed.
running through a foggy field at night, or riding in the car and listening to music.

I remember the snow.

my 1st guitar, my 1st solo.



I remember that hallway in high school where everything changed.

the skating rink.


I remember talking all night, wrapped in a pumpkin blanket, all the while wishing for more time.

I remember wishing for more time.


...the way it feels to take a big breath of chilly air in the morning.

listening to "the heart of the matter" while people walked by.


riding down the 22 with the windows down and the heater on.

our last show.


watching fireworks from post, one july night in Okinawa.


summer.


I remember the fear of the unknown being slowly pushed aside by the desperation of a teenage boy.


us.


writing about you. wondering if i'll ever tell you.




coming home.



your understanding and loving arms.





I remember love.



For me to love you now
Would be the sweetest thing, it would make me sing
Ah, but I may as well try and catch the wind...

broken by my hands

there's a little statue that Sam gave me a long time ago.

actually, there are two of them, a cellist and a violinist.

they were meant to represent me and him.

they are sad clowns playing instruments, and that pretty much sums up my whole life.



      one day I got mad and threw something across the room without thinking that anything could break besides what I had thrown.


      I used to love breaking shit when I got upset. my own hands included.
this time I threw something into the wall. but I missed.

     I threw something and it hit my statue.


immediately I felt like even more of a dick for letting my anger ruin something else that I cared for.


I walked over to examine my statue and saw that I had wounded it. not only had I wounded it, but I had broken off his whole right arm and shattered the bow into pieces.


the statue now sits out of sight so that no one will see it and ask me how it broke, or why I never fixed it.

I leave reminders for myself in my life. reminders to be more caring. so not take people for granted. to not be an ass. to control my anger. to be better...

     this statue is a reminder.


the thing is... I don't even remember what made me so mad that I had to break a gift from a friend that I lost around the same time.

the arm sits on the base of the statue with as many pieces as I could find, behind my lamp and an old gift that was returned to me. silent for the rest of my life. 
     

mixed feelings

i have mixed feelings about a lot of things. a wide spectrum of things even.


     my friends are one of those things.
sometimes I feel like telling you to eat a dick and go fuck yourself, the order is not important.

and sometimes I want to drink with you until I can't remember how we got home.

sometimes I wish I could speak the things I feel, other times I want to never say anything again. to anyone.


I will always save a place for you. a place where you can come back to and no questions need to be asked. a place where we can smile through all the bullshit that makes us want to run in the first place. a place in between the lines of something I may have written years ago.






     this blog is another thing I go back and forth with.


I meant the post about everyone to be my last one. I said goodnight and it was done.

I guess I wasn't done talking to myself yet.
(so when I go a long time without posting anything, it's because I am thinking of not posting anything ever again.)


     even when things are lost and scratched up, bent and faded... you can always come back.




Randy called me on Tuesday night and said he was having a shitty time. he asked if I wanted to go over there that night. my first instinct was to get in my car and drive down there. even though I had plans for that night and wed. night. I felt the urge to go help my friend to feel better. I don't know why.
    
     I may be stupid, and you may know something that I don't, but my friends are my friends, regardless of what anyone else has to say.

maybe i'm just trying to prove that to myself.


...shit.

all i want

Don't let us get sick
Don't let us get old
Don't let us get stupid, all right?
Just make us be brave
And make us play nice
And let us be together tonight...

 

 

 

you'll always have a place to run to .

all my life

i am in the process of making some CD's for a long trip in a car without

an AUX jack when i come across a song-- an old song.

i am instantly 15 again and calling a girl i liked on the phone. 

i call her and i sing to her over the phone.

she tells me she likes it.

i smile.

nothing ever happened between me and this girl because

she wanted to move faster than i did. 

her friends would literally follow us and try and pressure us into holding hands

and kissing and such.

i wanted to go slow.

all my young life i wanted to go slow.

when i found out that that's not what girls wanted...

i found out that i had to meet a better quality of girls.

climates

"Trying to be the best person that I can be
Is the only quality I have to some degree
To some degree
Ones with narrow minds and hollow hearts
Shoot for gold and look up to the stars
What hope do I have
When my wish is growing cold
So I’m heading home"

bird.

I'm like a bird

 

 

I get scared and fly away

 

 

and I shit on things that people like.

 

 

Ha.