mixed feelings

i have mixed feelings about a lot of things. a wide spectrum of things even.


     my friends are one of those things.
sometimes I feel like telling you to eat a dick and go fuck yourself, the order is not important.

and sometimes I want to drink with you until I can't remember how we got home.

sometimes I wish I could speak the things I feel, other times I want to never say anything again. to anyone.


I will always save a place for you. a place where you can come back to and no questions need to be asked. a place where we can smile through all the bullshit that makes us want to run in the first place. a place in between the lines of something I may have written years ago.






     this blog is another thing I go back and forth with.


I meant the post about everyone to be my last one. I said goodnight and it was done.

I guess I wasn't done talking to myself yet.
(so when I go a long time without posting anything, it's because I am thinking of not posting anything ever again.)


     even when things are lost and scratched up, bent and faded... you can always come back.




Randy called me on Tuesday night and said he was having a shitty time. he asked if I wanted to go over there that night. my first instinct was to get in my car and drive down there. even though I had plans for that night and wed. night. I felt the urge to go help my friend to feel better. I don't know why.
    
     I may be stupid, and you may know something that I don't, but my friends are my friends, regardless of what anyone else has to say.

maybe i'm just trying to prove that to myself.


...shit.