midnight train to oklahoma.

The year was 2005.



I was in a bar with a girl that was MUCH more intoxicated than I was. I think it's funny now because currently I am the one that ends up waste beyond reproach.

But as it went that night, I was sober and she was drunk. so drunk that we had to leave the bar so she could get some air.

outside there were some small tables and a band was playing music for the crowd that had gathered to enjoy the warm Oklahoma summer night. we sat at an empty table and denied any more drinks when the waitress asked if we needed anything.

the band was asking the crowd what song they should play next and someone offered up their suggestion of "Midnight train to Georgia". someone else said they wanted to hear something fast, but in the end "midnight" won.

I had been carrying a small camera with me the whole time so I turned it on at the first mention of the Gladys knight song being played.

I sat and enjoyed my song while my girl tried to stop the world from moving so fast.

in the end I was the one that drove everyone back home and the girl sat in the seat next to me and slept the whole way home.

its funny because she was there with me, and you can hear her in the video, but I always remember it as if I was alone.

here is the video of that moment.

victory

     When we were kids and we used to play NBA Jam at your house, sometimes, i would let you win.

     Not all the time, just sometimes.
 

the things we do

I went out to take some pictures last night.

 

 

 

 

(click for larger sizes)



Taps

     my mother once told me that she gets a lump in her throat when she hears Taps.
when i hear it, i remember being in boot camp in san diego. Taps would play every night over the loud speaker on the camp and that signaled lights out for the night. For us, however, it signaled that the fireworks from sea world were about to start.
     we would sit up in our bunks and look out the window while the fireworks blazed in the cool night sky. it was our connection to the outside world we were no longer a part of. we were kids again.
     that's what i think about when i hear Taps.
    
    

a little bit of Prufrock

[Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question. . .                               
Oh, do not ask, "What is it?"
Let us go and make our visit. ]



 ... but this isn't you and i.
there was a glimmer once.
and it evaporated into the place where old tears go to feel alone.


someone died, i stopped taking my medication, and i drank until i was not within reason.
 there is no middle ground for me in these cases. either i am a complete wreck, or i shrug it off quietly and try to support others.



i spoke with a blackened remnant of a friend this week, and i knew we had died.
it was all over our faces. 

i tried to speak with a troubled friend. but i got no reply.

i thought about what i did...

i thought about you.

i thought about giving up.


i miss something that was a fleeting warmth in an otherwise frozen life.

"... and i hope we die at the same damn time
cuz I don't want to grow to be alone"