something old from Dec. 07, 2006.

the date on this file is dec 07, 2006. it is probably from an earlier time though.


you coulda been someone
i remember when we met. i remember how ifell

we were only kids. but i still remember.
i was a poor boy, and you were a queen.
my tattered shoes, hand-me-downs.
my shirts, second hand.

your eyes blue as ice, with an outline of coal.
your hair black as midnight and wonderfully short.
i had never seen a girl like you before
and i faded into the background, as i always did, hiding all my shortcomings...my material faults. after all, what could i give you that hadn't already been offered.
and i couldn't believe when you walked up to me.

you asked me my name.
"christian" i exhaled.
"i like that name." you said, with a smile so inviting , filled with promises that everything would be secondary to me.

"wha-...whats your name?" i barely returned.

you said.."Luminara"

and i melted inside, while my soul turned its light towards the beautiful girl and the candy cane words we exchanged.

i saw you again. day after day.
in the morning when we walked to school.
if it was cold, i gave you my mittens.
if you let me, i carried your books, and we sat together during lunch. you, kicking the back of my chair playfully in class.
me, writing you notes and leaving them in your desk.
almost like playground love.

we would walk home from school.
slow.
dragging out our time.
if you got cold, i'd give you my jacket.
if i got cold...you'd hold my hand, and give me a hug, while the words we never said, floated in the air around us like flower petals on their way to the ground.
all the time your beautiful smile ensuring me that i would always be ok.
with you around.


my heart illuminated from within by your firefly words i was holding inside.
and i brought up my hand, to your pale moonrise face, while my knees struggled to stay in place.
i pushed the hair out of your face and looked into your eyes expecting to see all the world in return.



but he vision was empty.
nothing more than your blue, nothing less than
than me without you.
but i brushed it off and we lived out our school days.
if i got sick and missed a day, you'd come to visit and share some of your smiles with me.
i saved every last one.


And summer stayed and winter went.
i thought that you were heaven sent.
my dirty clothes and ratty things were never a match for your angel wings.
but you didn't care.

and the days went on.
i remember.


the next year in school. i didn't see you.

i went to your house.
but no one was there and the window to your room revealed a house empty and dark.

you had moved while i was away.
and now you were gone.
and i was alone again.
wanting nothing more than to go back to the start.
back to the sunrise days which seemed never ending.

when you held my hand, and i held your heart.
i wished i had known, i wished you hadn't gone.
i remember nothing was the same .anymore .
i walked, just to get where i was going.
i sat alone in class. and watched from the back as the world blurred and fast forwarded while i stood still.

and no one ever compared to you.
i started playing guitar years later. and i started a band.
i wrote songs about Luminara.
but nothing would bring back that feeling from when she used to sing me that song.
that song that still makes me cry every time.

i hear it.

and somewhere along the way, under streetlights that have gone out, and past all the cloud covered days where the rain falls like tear drops heavy and from the heart.
i was standing on stage.
with my guitar.
and my rag-tag band.
in between songs.
when i saw a girl in the very front row.
all alone.

with stunning black hair, chin-length. and these two eyes that shone bright, passed all the stage lights and crowd, like two comets racing through the sky letting off trails of blue.

it was you.

And immediately . i knew the song i would play.

so i played it.

i was a poor boy\and you were a queen
and i couldn't talk to you with my self esteem

so you asked me my name\and i walked you home
i never thought i would end up alone...

Luminara\i cant let go\ each time i think of you
and all the things that we went through
another day will pass\ and i'll forget the way you used to\
hold my hand\
the way you'd always understand
now im left like your eyes\blue
Luminara\i never got to say goodbye to you....


and when i said her name... my punk rock disguise vanished and she remembered the boy from yesterday and their story.
and i could see a mascara trail from the bottom of her eye to the corner of her lips where a tear had gone to rest.
she jumped up on stage and gave me a hug with the smile on her face, as a promise that i'd never lose her again.
and i looked into her eyes and saw my reflection, her, the past, and the world.
i reached up with my hand, to touch her face, and i pushed the hair out of her eyes and kissed her our first kiss.

the way i should have so many years before.



i remember Luminara..