i was just wondering if you'd come along

     I went to go see Dave Mathews Band last night.
I had bought two tickets because I had intended to go with my friend randy, but he had to work. and after the other friends who I invited said they couldn't go, I asked another friend who really wanted to go.


     everything went well, the parking was free and we got there early enough to not have to fight traffic or parking lot disasters.

     we sat on the lawn and waited. my favorite lawn. the same lawn that I have had the tall cans of Corona since the day they started selling them in that form. I had one this night as well.


dave Matthews took the stage and the crowd, the mixed crowd of young and old, hippies and college Bro's, white girls waiting to become drunken white girls, middle aged women waiting to become drunken middle aged women, and me... we all erupted with the excitement and wonder of fans that know he will never play the same songs as the night before.


     The second song in the set starts and I recognize it immediately... and just like last year when he played "you never know", I am immediately over joyed. I don't smile big natural smiles a lot in front of people... but if you ever look over at me during a show I really want to see, and one of my favorite songs comes on, then you'll see a true smile.

     this is one of those times, and after the surprise sets in... everything around me is gone and I can only see the stage. I love "the stone". I love the music and I love the lyrics, and the way he throws "can't help falling in love" into the outro. this song reminds me of no one. it is mine completely.

"I was just wondering if you'd come along

to hold up my head when me head can't hold on

and i'll do the same, if the same's what you want

but if not i'll go.

I will go alone."

     A few more songs pass and then I hear the slight incarnation of the beginning chords to "gravedigger" floating around. I know it's coming up. I love that song. in fact, it's the first time i'll be hearing any of these songs live.

"Little Mikey Carson 67 to 75
He rode his
Bike like the devil until the day he died
When he grows up he wants to be Mr. Vertigo on the flying trapeze
Ohhh, 1940 to 1992

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain"

I am up on the rail singing this part, along with all the people in the stadium. I can feel it in my soul. I can feel what it is like to have those big dreams of a boy and I know what it's like to have them gone. I want to feel  the rain when I am dead too.

     Some more songs pass and then I hear those magic chords. I hear them and I jump up to cheer my little heart out. all I wanted last year (when I was at the same venue to see dave) was to hear "the space between". I had seen on the internet that they had played it the night before in San Diego (2012) but I was disappointed that they didn't play it the next day in Irvine. but this year was different. I had heard it. I knew it was coming. I was fucking out of my mind! i told Vicky that I had waited forever to hear this song.

     I am back in my high school times. I remember a girl who I spent a great deal of my younger life with. I remember a video I made for her that was set to this song. I remember, as the song goes on, the lyrics that make me think of her still. 

 "We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What a wild eyed beast you be

The space between
The wicked lies we tell and hope to keep safe from the pain...

  ...The space between
The bullets in our fire fight
Is where I'll be hiding waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splashed in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into your room..."

i sing, as if anyone can hear me over the crowd and band. i let no one know that sometimes i go back in time, with the aid of a song, and piece together the good parts of a shattered bauble that made up my high school years with her. 

    the night goes on and throughout the 23 song setlist, which lasted almost 3 full hours, i hear so many of the songs i love. i had an amazing night, besides the having to go to the bathroom once during the set. 

i walked out towards the parking lot, slowly, looking at that lawn that was now littered with the trash of hundreds of people and i think about everything all at once. it comes out of my heart and forms a smile on my face. 

i say goodbye and i go home.