no one

i care about people very deeply.

but i can throw them away in an instant.
it doesn't mean that i care about them less.

i really have no idea what i am trying to say tonight. but i feel like talking.

a long time ago, a friend confided in me some terrible information.
     i suppose my terrible information is that i do all these things for people because i don't know how to show them how i really feel.
 and maybe i think that my monetary gestures will spark a small amount of something resembling memory in them,..

a while ago i mentioned that i no longer would ask people to come with me to the cemetery...
   tonight i decided (while absolutely drunk) that i will no longer put forth any effort for christmas.

i just don't feel it anymore.

i'm not really sure how to explain it.