the first time i ever really kissed a girl i was in middle school. i don't remember if it was 7th or 8th grade, but it was middle school. i was a nice guy back then.
i used to do nice things for girls and watch my friend's girlfriends when they didn't go to school and shit like that. i was an all around nice guy, so naturally i did not have a girlfriend.
i had this friend kamran who was a dick. and one day in class he took this girls winnie the pooh backpack keychain thing and shoved it in his mouth.
she was disgusted and pissed off at him and since he was my friend i offered to take it home and wash it for her. i don't really remember now but i must have liked her enough to do something like that.
so i took the little stuffed animal home and washed it. it cost me money because we lived in a place that had a common laundry room, but i did it anyway.
she was so happy that i had washed her little trinket that she hugged me. i didn't know what to do.
soon after we started walking home. i would walk with her to her house and then walk my ass all the rest of the way to my house (which was pretty far from hers).
as things work in middle school, everyone noticed that we were hanging out so the powers of school politics decided that we should be an item.
one day i asked her to be my girlfriend.
she said yes.
i had never had a girlfriend before so i had no idea what any of this meant, or why things had to change. i enjoyed our time together during school and walking with her after school. i just got to do those things and maybe hold her hand now too.
my friends (who already had girlfriends) gave me so much shit all the time about it though. every time she would come to where we were at they would say shit like, "look out, the boss is coming". then they would laugh. i never understood that.
i'm a fucking ass, but i was a sensitive kid.
one day the last bell rang and the kids all rushed the gate like a tsunami of needing to be somewhere else, and we were left standing in the middle. she said she had to go so i gave her a hug and then she leaned over to kiss me. i wasn't ready for that. nor did i want our first kiss to be a rushed affair in the midst of a frantic rush to get home.
she turned her head and went in. she managed to awkwardly kiss the side of my mouth and my cheek at the same time. it was terrible. but it had happened.
these are the things you can't undo.
she looked at me in a kind of disbelief and turned to leave.
i said nothing.
the people walked around me and past me and i was left there thinking that i wasn't ready. i didn't expect it nor did i want it to turn out that way at all.
i'm not a girl so i never imagined what my first kiss would be like, but i knew that wasn't it.
i don't think she ever tried to kiss me again. and i was too much of a bitch to do anything about it.
we broke up soon after that. and all of a sudden there was no one to walk home with.
i finished middle school and we both went to different high schools, but years later i was standing in the old tower records store listening to a CD on the big wall of music they used to have when a girl walking behind me dropped a whole cup full of starbucks coffee. it splattered all over the floor and as i turned around i knew i was staring into the face of the girl whom i used to walk home with all those years ago.
she didn't recognize me. and if she did we didn't speak.
she just looked awfully embarrassed and turned to run out of the store.
i would never have thought that i'd see her again. especially not like that.
i dated no one else in middle school. but something changed in me. slightly. i did start flirting with girls more often and continued to fall in love at every chance i got. but my first and only kiss in middle school belonged to a girl named Faith. i walked with faith and it changed my life.
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